INNER DEMONS
by Silvanna Nightlight
Summary: Isabeau Trevelyan, the youngest, jolly and rebellious daughter of the Bann of Ostwick, has been mys-teriously melancholic after the events of Therinfal Redoubt. In order to help her, Cullen must face his own inner demons


_A DISCLAIMER_

 _I don't own the characters of Dragon Age. This fic was written for fun. Some words also belong to BioWare._

* * *

 **INNER DEMONS**

By

Airshadow

The Inquisition Commander, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, was uneasy. He sighed while he looked at his maps and markers one last time, and then his sight wandered in his improvised office. He couldn't avoid worry about the Herald's fate. He cared about her more than he really wanted admit. He smiled when he remembered her sense of humour, her smile and her harmless pranks, even though sometimes he was the target. She wasn't a conventional leader, but without a doubt, he would follow her without hesitation.

After other sigh, he decided to leave the room and walk towards the improvised camp. While he strolled through the tents, the Advisor mused over the troublesome times that all Thedas was enduring. If the Maker hadn't sent them the Hero of Ferelden during the Blight, The Champion of Kirkwall to contain the Qunaris and to stop Mederith's Madness; and now His Bride's Herald to save them from the Breach; he certainly would believe that His wrath had been unleashed over them.

He also was a practical man, he knew that faith alone didn't win wars. That's why they needed those Templars. With their skills, they could seal The Breach and end all this damned situation once for all. But after what happened in Val Royeaux, Cullen had a healthy skepticism. Their only hope was Lord Seeker, Lucius Corin, saw reason.

Then a message was delivered four weeks ago, from Lord Seeker himself; it was addressed to Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan by name and title. In it, Corin requested to talk personally with her in Therinfal Redoubt. Preparations began immediately, and in less than seven days all was ready for the meeting. The expectations were high. In order to increase the chances of success, Leliana and Josephine had gotten the support of Ten Influential Noble Houses of Orlais. How they enjoyed mingling among those people, with their heads full of air, was beyond his patience and understanding.

After discussing the final details, Milady left Heaven accompanied with Solas, Varric and Cassandra, along with a small entourage in order to warranty their safety. The Commander also hoped, that, in case that Lord Seeker refused help the Inquisition, some Templars joined their cause. That was three weeks ago. Cullen shook his head; since they had left, he hadn't heard any news. He was starting to worry; the safety of the Herald was his priority. If he hadn't any word about them tomorrow morning, he would personally ask Leliana to find out what had happened.

A sudden animation in the camp caught his attention; a courier arrived and gave the commander a letter, in which the Inquisitor informed her impending arrival in four days hence; it also mentioned that the Templars had joined the Inquisition as allies and asked him help Josephine to prepare everything for their accommodation. Cullen frowned, he had read many reports written by Your Worship; he knew, without a doubt, that it was her handwriting. But the brief letter, along with the absence of details, made him wonder if something else had happened at the audience with Lord Seeker.

The Commander sighed, playing spies wasn't his strength; if he wanted to read between lines, he would have to ask Leliana. Without hesitation, he headed towards the tent, where The Spymaster was.

\- o0o -

Working late wasn't an unusual situation for Commander Rutherford. Tonight, it was what he was doing in the War Room. Cullen checked Thedas' Map one last time. He had marked every single rift, and his campaign plan was almost done to show to Your Wordship tomorrow morning. But now something else was bothering him. It was Your Ladyship herself. Two weeks had passed since the events of Therinfal Redoubt, and a drastic change had happened in Lady Inquisitor Trevelyan.

The usually perky and loud young woman, had turned into someone brooding, silent and gloomy. She hadn't pulled a prank in days; her melancholic mood was so serious that even Cassandra, who had more than once reprimanded her for her untimely antics, was starting to worry. Cullen suspected there was more. He had noticed the dark circles under her eyes, a clear signal of insomnia. He couldn't blame her, a very close encounter with an Envy Demon was enough to scare even the bravest Templar.

A muffled burst of black smoke startled him; the commander drawing out his sword; his surprised expression turning stoic when he realized that it was the strange young man who had arrived shortly after Lady Inquisitor. Cole cocked his head, looking at Cullen with his otherworldly blue eyes. The ex-Templar looked at the Spirit with caution; you never could trust in the denizens of the Fade, and what had happened in Kirkwall was a shining example of that.

"But there is something else, you know it." said the Spirit with his monotone voice.

"What are you talking about?" Cullen dryly replied while sheathing his sword and keeping his wary eyes on the creature. Even though Milady had spoken in his favor, arguing that Cole had saved her life in her encounter with Envy; he still didn't trust him, but he would give him the benefit of the doubt... For now.

"Her smile is gone, muted laughter, dark circles under her eyes, she is a shadow of herself. Maker, what they have done to you?"

The commander crossed his arms and replied, almost defiantly, "You were there; tell me, what happened?"

"Envy wanted her face, it wanted to be she. Lord Seeker is nothing compared to her. She's selfish, doesn't want to share." Cole muttered with an unvarying tone of voice while Cullen felt nailed to the ground, not sure what to think about him. "Many faces, that isn't them. Frightened, confused, alone. Screams for help that nobody listens to. Twisted actions that It wishes to do with my face. Mother Giselle is not a heretic!"

"I've read the reports." said the Commander softly, wishing that Cole would speak clearly, for once "They don't say much, I grant you that; but it seems that it was a frightening experience."

"She is hurted, still hurts" replied Cole, his voice changing suddenly to a desperate one "Haunted, hounded, stalked. Maker, I'm scared. How can I avoid all this pain? Who is this Elder One?" He then added, while he looked at Cullen "I could help her forget, but it's not good idea."

"Why not?" The ex-Templar asked, he was well aware about this uncanny ability that the Spirit had.

"Remember it, makes her stronger." The Spirit of Compassion replied. "Remember it, makes her wish that the things that Envy showed her never happen." Cole closed his eyes and kept silent for a few minutes, then with a frantic voice he said "Michelle, poor Michelle. Maker, she didn't deserve to die. She would know what to do. Maker, I can't fail. Not again. She would have known how to deal with magic. Maker so many lives lost and more at risk."

"What are you babbling about? Who's Michelle?" the Commander asked. Most of the time, Cole's ramblings never made sense. Besides, trying to guess his riddles always gave Cullen a headache.

"You can help her." The Spirit replied.

"Why do you think that I'm qualified to do it?" The Commander asked, he was about to lose his patience.

"Caged as an animal, food and water denied, using my shame against me. Their wicked fingers killed my friends or turned them in to monsters." The ex-Templar stepped back as he paled, but Cole continued, "Broken bodies and spirits. Why can't she see the truth? Maker turn his gaze on you. I hope your compassion hasn't doomed us all."

"How do you know that?" The commander stammered.

"She feels like you. Scared, alone, broken. You can help her, and she can help you." Cole tilted his head once more "You are worried for her, but not like the others. You want heal, protect, comfort her. You want that she stays behind the gates, stays safe."

"And my experience... In that place is enough?" Cullen replied skeptically.

Cole gave a supernatural smile and a black smokescreen surrounded him. The commander coughed, once the smoke vanished, he called the spirit. When he realized that he was alone, he snorted in annoyance. It was late, maybe it was time to retreat at his quarters, and try to sleep. With a little luck, his nightmares would let him rest.

\- o0o -

The nocturnal breeze of the mountain embraced him. As soon as he stepped out the Chantry, the ex-Templar adjusted his cloak. It would be a short walk towards his cabin. He smiled at the irony, his quarters were just in front of Solas. A measure in the case that the helpful apostate mage turned into an abomination? Perhaps, and didn't care. He sighed, hoping that his usual nightmares would allow him sleep. The patroness of the Singing Maiden and her staff, most likely were serving their last customers before closing; after pondering for a short while, he didn't feel in mood to drink something.

With the Spirit's words still ringing in his head, he decided to pass by and confirm that Her Worship was all right. It wasn't as straight a walk as the path to his own accommodations, Milady's cabin was close the Haven main gates; but he didn't mind making a detour. He remembered when she passed out after facing the Pride demon in the ruins of the Temple of the Sacred Ashes, he was one to escort her there and set some guards to protect her, while she was recovering. Thanks to the Maker, Lady Trevelyan wasn't as picky about her accommodation as some of the Nobles, who had paid a visit in the aftermath of that unfortunate events. She had adapted pretty well to it, not to mention the circumstances.

The Commander sighed again, while he was approaching her cabin; it would be a quick check, and he would retire to attempt to rest. As soon as he was near to her lodgings; he noticed a faint light coming from the window. For a moment, Cullen felt scruples, that was suppressed when he noticed the Inquisitor's silhouette sitting in front of a rickety table, which was located on the wall opposite the window. The ex-Templar stopped and hesitated. She was his superior, his leader; it may be inappropriate to knock on her door so late at night.

"She is hurted, still hurts... She feels like you. Scared, alone, broken..."

Cole's words echoed in his mind one more time. He took a deep breath and knocked the door, soon after, he was able to hear muffled foot-steps heading to the entry. When it opened, Lady Trevelyan appeared. Still she was dressed in her causal apparel that she always wore when she was in Haven. Milady was a little surprised to see him. The Ex-Templar noticed her swollen eyes and traces of tears; he also gave a quick glance toward her bed – it was still made and her gown lay untouched over it.

"Cullen? " She was obviously bewildered, it was really late; she evidently expected to see no one at that hour. "Is everything alright? Can I do something for you?"

The Commander cleared his throat; Maker, why was it so hard to remain calm around her? The only time when he had felt like this was when he had inappropriate infatuation, long ago, with certain Mage of the Ferelden Circle.

Finally he said, "Actually, Milady, I need to talk with you about something that is starting to worry us all."

"About what?" She quietly replied, leaving her lodging "Is everything alright?"

Cullen cleared his throat, why was he always so nervous when he was close to Her Worship? "Lady Trevelyan, would you be so kind as to give me a few minutes of your precious time?"

Isabeau nodded and left her cabin, walking with him aimlessly. Cullen cast glances at her, thinking how to start that difficult chat. Maker! He needed some help. As he absentmindedly looked around, he found Cole; the spirit, who was half hidden in the shadow, cocked his head without a word. The Commander took some deep breaths and bluntly, said "You're not alone."

"What?" Isabeau looked really surprised, Cullen was never so straight with her. On the other hand, the Commander of the Inquisition was surprised at his own boldness; a quick glance at Compassion, let him see that he smiled in a way that encouraged him to continue.

He took other deep breath and added, "Isabeau" he said softly while he held her hands. "I'm not only your Commander and War advisor, I consider myself to be your friend; and if you need to talk about something... About anything, I'm here for you... "

The moonlight brightened her face, and Cullen watched with a faint smile, the first one in days. They continued walking around the campsite; as the time passed, their hearts started to open to confidants.

\- o0o -

"And those are the latest reports about the rifts." Said Cullen while he watched the Herald.

"Any trace of the Grey Wardens?" She replied with concern, looking at the map. The room was well illuminated by the torches and the marks faintly shone on it.

"Nothing so far." Answered Leliana. "They have disappeared and Blackwall doesn't know where the main base is."

"We have others concerns." Intervened Josephine. "The ball at the Winter Palace is approaching, I'm using all my contacts in order to let us attend it; I warn you Herald, it would be safer for you to face an Envy demon rather than duel against someone cunning enough to be involved in The Game.

Isabeau sighed and said, "Then I will need all your help to understand the orlesian etiquette and how to navigate in their politics." Then, she muttered with annoyance "In moments like this, I regret not having paid more attention to Aunt Henrietta's manners classes."

Josephine and Leliana chuckled, while Cullen smiled. The three ladies started to exchange impressions about the impending preparations while the Commander observed that The Lady Herald had a better look these days. It seemed that Cole's advice was good after all. After a few minutes of exchanging impressions, they decided which missions were more urgent to attend and the meeting was over.

The ladies left the room while The Commander sat down and almost bolted back up! A sharp stone was cleverly set in his chair, in the way that it slightly hurt him. He now remembered an impish smile on one of the ladies and he knew now its meaning. Yes, it seemed that Her Wordship's old self was coming back. He smiled himself before a muffled sound alerted him to someone's presence. When he raised his eyes in the direction the sound came from, he saw that it was Cole again.

The Spirit looked at Cullen and said, "I helped?"

"Yes, you did." he replied, toying with the stone.

"That´s good." he said with a wide smile and disappeared in middle of a cloud of smoke.


End file.
